Sister of the Year
by sickphilosophy
Summary: Karin is simply suggesting that if Ichigo truly wants to keep his relationship with Rukia a secret, he should stop making out with her in public places. [Ichiruki]


**Sister of the Year**

 ** _Note:_** Inspired by a scene in _A Piper's Son_ by Melina Marchetta as well as my own personal experiences.

 _Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite_

* * *

When Ichigo finally visited the living world, Karin had tried her best to play dumb, but her idiot brother did not make it easy.

It was _so_ obvious, from the moment he and Rukia stepped through the Senkaimon into the living world, that Karin had noticed the difference in Ichigo altogether. Karin was familiar with her brother's spectrum of scowls, knew every difference between them (was a fan of resting bitch face herself) and she didn't even have to think too hard to recognize the one etched on his face probably meant something along the lines of, _the world still sucks, but at least I'm having sex now._ The news was so clear to Karin it didn't even occur to her that Ichigo and Rukia were trying to keep it a secret.

To begin with, they were certainly doing a piss poor job at hiding it. Maybe Ichigo and Rukia could have tricked Yuzu and Ishida, Inoue and Tatsuki, and those two pervy classmates of theirs, but not a single element in their façade had any power over Karin, just as she doubted it did for Sado, and even Dad.

For one, they were standing _way too far apart._ The very same Kuchiki Rukia, who'd often had her fist connected to Ichigo's gut, and who'd naturally crawl up his back without preamble and demand a location as if he were a horse, was now minding an invisible diameter around Ichigo she just wouldn't pass. Only friends who slept together would think physical distance was a strategy for discretion. But hormones did that to people, Karin had concluded long before. It ripped out any common sense dwelling within them.

Ichigo had been at a distance, Yuzu already in his embrace and sobbing away, when he had finally caught Karin's gaze and silently mouthed " _Toshiro?"_ and bunched up his face in a way to express disbelief. Karin simply shrugged as a response. Rumors had been arising ever since Hitsugaya started frequenting the living world to see her. Karin had been helping him find the perfect living world birthday present for Lieutenant Hinamori. But Karin would explain all this later to her brother.

The whole party relocated to the Kurosaki estate and Karin spent the next hour hosting Ichigo's friends, begrudgingly playing waitress and ushering out all the food Yuzu had been cooking. Rukia and Ichigo had even taken to sitting on opposite sides of the table— _you morons_ _—_ as if it would hide anything at all. But maybe she was just too insightful and knew her brother too well, because no one else seemed to be noticing the obvious, and Karin decided it wasn't her place to do anything except pretend their feeble attempts were working on her.

So when Rukia stood up and unintentionally brushed against Ichigo's back on the way to the bathroom, Karin pretended not to notice him suddenly stare hard at the edge of the table, as if for that one second he didn't want to sense anything else but that brief and trivial physical contact that seemed to mean worlds to him.

And the night following, when Karin had thought she heard a mouse padding around in the kitchen and had descended the stairs slowly and quietly as not to wake her sleeping dad and sister, bat in hand, ready to be that rodent's worst nightmare, she suddenly turned on the balls of her feet and climbed back up the stairs two steps at a time, pretending she hadn't seen.

Hadn't seen Kuchiki Rukia leaning against the kitchen counters with her hands crossed over her chest in some indignant display of flirtation.

Hadn't seen her brother towering over Rukia, not having any of her hard-to-get crap tonight.

...

So this was how Ichi-nii wanted things. Fine. If her older brother was keeping things to himself, she trusted he had good reasons for it. He deserved to have secrets. All normal teenage boys did, and Ichigo rarely got to be a normal teenage boy. But if Karin was going to feign innocence for Ichi-nii's sake, the damned imbecile better make it worth it, and her idiot brother was being reckless.

For all it was worth, Karin was fucking Sister of the Year.

...

Karin and Yuzu were brought to the mall the following day, allowed to shop for new outfits to greet Mom in while Ichigo and Rukia met up with their friends at the food court. Karin had been imprisoned in one of the changing rooms of her twin's favorite clothing store, trapped amidst the pile of dresses Yuzu had demanded she'd try. She had barely finished buttoning up one of the blouses when she heard her brother's voice outside a few stalls down.

"It's not like it really hurts."

"Bullshit. I took a good look; your nose is going to bruise bad." The classic evenness of Rukia's voice.

Karin stilled herself, understanding perfectly that she could **not** be discovered if they were in the middle of those pathetic lovers' quarrels. It'd only embarrass Ichi-nii and damn it all if she'd just throw her oblivious act away, not when she worked so hard to be as stupid as the rest of their friends.

"What did you even say to Tatsuki?"

"Nothing."

"Fantastic. I'm to make sense of the fact your best friend took a shot at you in front of everyone because of nothing."

"I don't know, Rukia. Nothing. Nothing that would make sense. She told me to take Inoue out to see that dumb robot movie tonight. I just said I'd do it tomorrow because I wanted to take a walk in the park with you."

"You told her you'd rather _walk in the park?_ With me?"

"Yeah?"

"Than see an action movie."

"Yeah. Then she fucking bashed my nose in and said something about Inoue deserving better."

" _Oh._ " Karin could almost hear the click of something fitting into place in Rukia's brain. Even Karin registered what Tatsuki's act of violence implied. As always, Ichi-nii did not know how to think before he spoke. "You dumbass."

"What? What is it."

"It's nothing you can help by knowing," Rukia said calmly.

This wasn't lovers' quarrel after all, Karin concluded. This was just Rukia having to deal with her brother being an idiot.

Ichigo made a noise of pure irritation. "You do that a lot, you know? You nag and nag and demand information outta me and once you've gotten all the pieces I'm suddenly not important enough to hear it out."

"It's truly none of your business. You don't need to know, don't make something of it."

"But clearly it's _your_ business. Because you're an educated vice-captain and I'm just the idiot who swings the sword."

"You're not an idiot, you stupid idiot—HEY! Get out of my stall!"

"I'm sure Hisagi's a fine friend to store all your little secrets in."

"Don't even begin with that. Jealousy doesn't suit you, Ichigo."

"Well, I'm not particularly fond of the feeling either."

Some silence had passed before Karin realized she had stopped breathing for fear of being heard.

Finally, Rukia's voice started, collected as ever. "Can you get out and let me change now?"

But Karin figured Ichigo probably didn't, and Rukia continued anyway, although switching to a much gentler voice than the one Karin had been hearing since this whole exchange began.

"You love Inoue, I know you do. So prove that to me right now and respect her privacy. It's not your right to know, and it's not my right to pass it on."

"Fine. But you're a fucking liar if you deny telling Hisagi things you haven't been telling me. And when you do that, it makes me feel useless. Like I'm not functional to you or... whatever."

Karin wanted to cringe at this vulnerable and intimate tone of voice Ichigo was starting to descend to, the kind of tone a sister would never _ever_ want to hear her brother use.

"My deepest apologies then. I hadn't realized I had been making you feel that way. Clearly this is an oversight on my part—"

There was a loud noise of Ichigo's palm slamming into the stall walls. "Dammit, Rukia. Even your apologies are so fucking formal. If you could just stop calculating and be raw with me for a second!"

"Ichigo, stop!"

"If I had half the power over you that you have over me, I'd make your life a nightmare too."

"You think I'm a nightmare?"

"Fuck yeah. The worst."

There was a certain husk in her brother's voice that warned Karin she was in the absolute worst place to be in _ever._ And the next minute of **pure** _, utter_ silence filled Karin with so much dread she felt her flesh was burning off from the true awkwardness of it all. But finally Rukia spoke ( _Rukia, thank you, Rukia, you goddess_ ).

"Hisagi and I are just friends, and if you even try to be jealous again I'll sheath Shirayuki down your throat," Rukia mumbled.

"Fine. Now shut up for a minute."

Karin heard it all. The creak of the floor beneath them. The shifting sound of Ichigo's hand sliding further into the stall. The small intake of breath from Rukia. And despite the sheer and epic _cringe_ that overcame her, Karin understood all at once the importance of this moment: that it strengthened the bond between her brother and the woman he chose to have walk beside him; that Ichigo had always given every part of himself to his friends and family and was finally accepting a happiness he well deserved; that this was...

...gross. Oh, god. Ew. No.

Karin heard a muffled groan from the back of her brother's throat that just _destroyed_ her.

No, Karin did not deserve this. Why, gods? Why, Kami-sama? All she was trying to do was be a good sister. A kind and respectful and understanding sis _—_ _nope, don't like that sound_ _—_ and Karin was officially in sicko land and she knew that she had to leave, **had** to make herself known _—_ _abort it all_ _—_ the very second she heard any louder moans, any more grunts or gasps, any more—

" _Ichigo,_ " Rukia choked.

The stall door swung wildly as Karin kicked it open. "YUZU. A bigger size! I need a bigger size!"

Fucking Sister of the Year.

….

….

Only half an hour later, when she was in line to purchase her new dress, Rukia and Ichigo retreated back into their normal disinterested personas, deceiving the world but not Karin.

"You're filthy rich, Rukia. Doesn't Seireitei have some spirit-money-to-living-money currency exchange program?"

"Absolutely. But you need some purpose in your life. Out of kindness, I'll let you pay."

"God help me," Ichigo groaned, patting himself for his wallet. He cursed up a storm as he pulled the bills out and relinquished some to Rukia before moving down the line to Karin, and Karin understood something at that very moment as she looked down to see the cash that was pressed into her hand by her loving _—but currently pissed off_ _—_ Ichi-nii.

That as Sister of the Year, bearing a few mortifying semi-private scenes for the sake of him and his girlfriend were the very least she could do after all.

To Karin, Ichigo had been Brother of the Year every single year of her life.

...

...

* * *

Been a long time since I uploaded anything on this site.

This is part of my 12+ chapter multific that was sadly in my old laptop when it broke down. While I currently can't retrieve the whole story, I had a few chapters in my email and decided to alter the heck out of one to deliver a one-shot.  
 **Note:** Ichigo's jealousy over Hisagi and Ichigo inquiring about Hitsugaya were part of my multific.

Again, shaking off the rust around my writing skills. If you'd liked more polished one-shots, please check out my other ichiruki stories.

Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed, reviews mean the world to me!


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